I heard a fascinating interview on NPR Radio the other day with a woman who had written a book comparing parenting styles in the US and around the world.  The differences were striking!

Most interesting were the way that parents dealt with very young children.  In Japan, very young children are given a lot of time outdoors, often without adult supervision.  It is thought that these children need to learn to interact and deal with their peers on their own.  So if disagreements happen, or someone scrapes a knee, the parents don’t swoop in the deal with the problem but let the children work it out on their own.

They are not leaving the children to the wolves, but spend time teaching the children how to be independent and resolve problems and conflicts.  This allows the children to grow into mature young adults equipped with skills that will serve them well as they go out into the world.

Of course, in the US it seems that many parents carefully shelter their children from anything and everything which might challenge or upset them. 

Parents in other countries even encourage their children to use sticks as guns and swords and “play fight” as ways to learn to interact and use their imaginations.  This is a far cry from the school in the US which suspended a student for eating their pop tart into the shape of a gun!

Perhaps the most interesting part of this discussion was how children learn and achieve self-esteem.  In other countries it seems that children are allowed to fail, to pull themselves up out of this failure, and this is seen as a healthy way for them to gain their own self-esteem.  They know they can overcome an obstacle. 

Parents watching a race saw a little girl fall down.  But the parents just sat and watched as two friends helped her up and they continued on their own.  The parents thought that the little girl learning she could finish the race and overcome this hurt would be very healthy for her.

This author came back to the US and then witnessed a parent applauding their toddler for riding a merry-go-round!  An activity which required no skill at all.  Are we really doing our children a service by monitoring their every move, sheltering them from all pain and struggle, and then praising them for every breath they take? I’m not sure this is preparing our children for the way the world really works!