Don’t Mince Words
I’ve become a pretty competent baker during the quarantine and this has led me to branch out into adventures in cooking as well. There’s a learning curve, but I am improving with each meal. Happily, most end up being edible, if not delicious.
As I thought about mincing words, I began by thinking about mincing in cooking, where you cut things up into very small pieces. When we mince our words, we cut our thoughts into small edited pieces, usually to spare feelings.
As I get older I find that I mince my words less and less. And I find that clients and colleagues like this. I don’t know if I’’m just getting cranky as I collect birthdays or if I’m finally getting the confidence to be more bold and direct. But this usually serves me well.
If a client is making a bad decision, I feel it’s my responsibility to be honest and direct and tell them. Of course one also needs to be skillful with words to know how to share this information in a way that is not hurtful or mean. But being blunt can have a real impact. Sometimes people need a bit of a jolt.
I have a lot of years in our marching activity and I’ve made a mountain of mistakes. All the top Marching Arts Professionals say the same thing as I talk to them. “I don’t want everyone else to make all the same mistakes I made.” This perspective and willingness to help others comes with success and longevity. It’s a gift that younger directors and designers need to find a way to accept.
If I’m meeting with someone who I may collaborate with in some way, I feel it’s helpful to give them honest reactions during our conversation. Couched in the right terms, this can be delivered in a way that they can accept and hopefully come to appreciate. If they are not ready to take a certain step, I feel I need to tell them why I feel that way. If there’s a better way to create an effect, I should share it.
Likewise, if I go to someone’s website and can’t navigate it, I think they need to know. I often think “if it was my business, I would want to know.” If I can’t figure out what you’re trying to or sell, that’s a problem. If I can’t figure out how to contact you, that’s an even bigger problem.
This all connects to the idea of being authentic. If we show the world and our students who we really are, they learn they can trust us and may well value our interactions more. They are also more likely to believe us if they know our intent is good. Of course, this needs to be paired with KINDNESS. It’s possible to deliver honest opinions and feedback without destroying someone. If they know you care about them and are sharing your experience from that place, they can usually weather the impact of your opinion. They will likely thank you for it later.
Don’t mince words, but be kind. There’s a balance there, but misleading someone to spare their feelings is only self-serving. If I can handle it, I know they can also. Be bold, be kind, and let’s work together to help our students grow.
Tim Hinton
February 25, 2021
