It’s Okay to Make Others Uncomfortable
It took me a long time to stop worrying about making others uncomfortable. I grew up in a Southern household where one of our primary rules was that you were always polite and never did anything to make someone else uncomfortable. I like being polite and having good manners, but this also led to us to not talk about certain things that might have served us well.
As I walk through the world, I may make others uncomfortable. They may not like my physique, my clothes, my haircut, my giant goatee. They may be uncomfortable if I hold my boyfriend’s hand, or hang out with my friends in their space, or read certain books or support certain candidates. However, I can’t control their reactions or feelings. I can only control the way I think and act as I move through the world.
It seems we live in a time of instant outrage, where people have not learned to channel their problems or frustrations in constructive ways. So they lash out in fear, they suspect the worse, and listen to unreliable news sources that confirm their biases.
We don’t have to participate in this. One of our basic concepts around the new Phantom History House Bed & Breakfast is that it’s a safe space where you can leave the stresses and issues of the world behind and step into a peaceful and accepting space. No matter who you are, who you are, who you support, or what you believe, you are welcome to come here and relax and have some time away.
Likewise, I’ve always been proud that our marching activity welcomes everyone. A marching band contains every type of person in our schools or communities, all working together toward a common goal. No matter our backgrounds or personalities or belief systems or gender or sexual preference, all are welcome and combine their skills and passions to create something wonderful.
By the way, most people are not paying attention to you anyway. Many go through their day trapped in their own “bubble” only concerned about what is going on in their head. It took me a while to realize that no one at the gym is paying any attention to me anyway!
Be kind, be polite, but be yourself. Show the world your authentic self, giving those you encounter the permission to be their own authentic self also. This is very powerful and is how the world begins to heal.
Tim Hinton
March 13, 2023
Art is “Superstar” by Lee Vandergrift
