That kid is in your band.
That kid you’ve heard about is in your band. The kid who is questioning their gender identity is in your band. The kid who is not sure about their sexual orientation is in your band. The kid who is thinking a LOT about their pronouns is in your band. YOUR band!
We hear about these kids all the time, and typically they a used as targets by unscrupulous politicians who try to frighten people. But I know these kids, and they are just like you and me. I remember being a student in school who struggled because I didn’t fit in and didn’t seem to be like everyone else. BAND was my safe haven. Band should be that place where everyone is welcome, everyone can contribute, and everyone can be themselves.
Here’s the difficult part. If YOU don’t think you have any of these kids in your program, you are wrong. You have that kid questioning their gender identity or their sexual identity. But if you don’t know about these kids, it means that you have not created an environment where they feel safe to let you know.
You’ve given these kids clues and signals that you would not be okay if they told you this. So they are suffering in silence.
Every kid needs their music program to be a safe space where they are accepted as they are. Our music groups cannot only be for those who fit the mold you expect to see, or which makes you comfortable. Life is not black and white, and lots of kids live in the gray. I sure did.
I was a young gay man in high school who did not fit in. But my wonderful band director David Coles was the first person who let me know that I was perfectly okay to be my true self. I could geek out over Prokofiev and be overly excited about marching band. I could be myself and not worry about the way I was acting or talking. I could share the things that I really was excited about and he let me know this was okay. What an incredible gift this was.
You can hear my podcast conversation with Mr. Coles here
If you’ve never met any trans kids, I can introduce you to a few. Listen to this podcast.
If you’re confused about pronouns and why they matter so much to young people, Listen to THIS podcast.
Want to learn more about how to support these students? Listen here.
And, of course, this is just a short list of issues that our students are challenged by. But it’s the example I chose for this blog post. And I trust the parents of these students to be doing everything they can to help them and make the right decisions. All of this may make you uncomfortable, but only as we are uncomfortable can we grow. Push past the fear and confusion and go for empathy instead. Try to put yourself into their shoes. I assure you that these folks are just like you and me, trying to live a happy life and express who they are. They are not dangerous, nor do they have any agenda. They ask to be left alone to find their own path. And we need to give them support, accept them for who they are, and get out of their way whenever possible.
Pictured: That’s Young Tim in the center as drum major
Tim Hinton
October 27, 2024
